Tell a friend about the
Militant Breastfeeding Cult

The Land of Klim

Once upon a time in a land not so far away, there lived a queen named Milicent B. Culte. She ruled the land, which was a matriarchal society, for all the men realized women were the real reason they existed. Her "kingdom" was named Klim.

In Klim for the most part, the women did the hard work, and the men were allowed to go outside the home and work several days each week. The men were even given vacation time and sick time, so they did not complain much. The women of Klim knew from the time they were little girls that they would be the ones who ran the homes. They did all the housework, errands, bill paying, boo-boo-mending, cooking, cleaning, organizing . . . it would be never-ending, but more enjoyable then one could imagine.

Little girls would play games pretending they were adult women. They would collect their dolls together with their friends, and get together for playtime. Toting their dolls in slings and little-girl mock-nursing shirts, they would often show up at each other's homes nursing their baby dolls and carrying a picnic basket and how ever many other dolls they had that day.

One little girl in Klim named Sarah really loved this game. She had two special dolls; one named Nicole-NumNum and the other named Sheila-nursienurse. Sarah was not new to seeing babies and toddlers nurse and be toted along with their Mommies, for she was the youngest of five siblings. In fact, Sarah was the youngest little girl in the whole kingdom.

Sarah went into town each morning carrying Nicole-NumNum and Sheila-NursieNurse in her little yellow sling. Bob the butcher would wave as she skipped by. Steve the hardware man smiled fondly at her as she burped Nicole-NumNum while Sheila-NursieNurse slept soundly in her sling. Mark the baker gave Sarah a granola bar as she strolled by. As Sarah made her way to her friend's house for a birthday party, she found herself daydreaming of the day she would marry and have oodles of children. She wanted five girls and five boys all of whom would easily fit in her dreamhouse which, of course, could be painted pink.

When Sarah arrived at the party at her best friend Maggie's house, she was pleased to see that they were wearing the same sling today. Maggie's house was always a treat to go to, since she was the daughter of Milicent B. Culte, the queen of Klim. Maggie always toted around her favorite doll named Carmella. Carmella was her pride and joy because she was the only doll in the kingdom who had vocal cues for certain stimuli; she would cry to be put in the nursing position, fuss a bit to be burped, and yell for a diaper change among other distinctive cues for play, mommy-time, bath-time, etc. Once all Maggie's friends arrived the fun began.

The girls swapped stories about whose mother works the most, and what their fathers did for the most recent Mother's Day holiday. After the gift exchange and the customary birthday cake, they decided to play Inherit the Crown. Maggie pretended to be the queen, afterall, it was her birthday party! She was ready to pass her crown on to the next worthy woman of the kingdom. After a series of questions, she would announce the successor.

Sarah was rather tired of this game, so she was silent for many of the questions, and enjoyed watching the other girls UNTIL the final question was asked: "Why do Mommies breastfeed their babies?" Sarah listened thoughtfully at the many answers.

"My Mommy says we don't get sick as much as those formula fed babies because we breastfed."

"Well, MY Mommy says we will be healthier in the long run from all the good stuff in her milk."

"MY Mommy says that she is more protected from getting breast cancer when she is older."

"My Mommy puts her milk on our boo boos and they go away faster - she even put it in my eye once when I got pink eye, and it went away!"

"My AUNT says that there is a lot less hassle for the Mommies - no cleaning bottles and and making formula in the middle of the night."

"I think my Daddy likes it because whenever my baby sister is crying Mommy takes her to nurse and she stops crying!"

"Well, my Mommy didn't say this, but I think that breastfeeding is great because my baby sister sleeps quietly with Mommy and Daddy and nurses when she wakes up next to Mommy. Once my Mommy's friends stayed over night, and her baby screamed and woke us all up in the middle of the night while her Mommy mixed up a bottle. YUCK. It was really annoying!"

"When we are out somewhere, Mommy doesn't have to stop to feed the baby - she just nurses her wherever we are whenever my baby brothers need it."

"I know the real answer. I know my Mommy loves me because she nursed me." "My brother and I don't have any allergies, and Mommy says it is because we nursed for so long." "Well, MY MOMMY said . . ." Sarah was silent and agreeable to everything that was said, and smiled to herself each time Maggie said, "Good answer, but that is not the reason that will win my crown." Finally, after all the girls exhausted their answers, Maggie said, "Doesn't anyone know the right answer to the question to win the crown?"

And Sarah confidently said, "I do." There was a quiet across the room, for Sarah couldn't possibly know the answer. She was the smallest girl in the kingdom. Surely SHE wouldn't get it right.

"Well," Maggie said. "Why do Mommies breastfeed their babies?"

Sarah said, simply, "WHY NOT?"

Cheers rang out throughout the birthday party, as all the girls praised her wise answer. Sarah won the crown at the birthday party that year, and then many years later, as the REAL queen to the land of Klim.

[ back ]