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Militant Breastfeeding Cult

Decision To Breastfeed

by Sarah aka mae mae

When I was in my younger days I never even thought about breastfeeding my child. I had bought into societies myth that our breasts were only for sexual purposes. I wasn't grossed out by other people breastfeeding. I felt it was great if they did, but it just wasn't for me. My sister breastfed both her children and my mother was always talking about how wonderful it was. My mother was unable to breastfeed my sister and I past 6 weeks. She truly wanted to go beyond that, but had to wean because of medications she was taking. Every time my mother and I would talk about me having children she would say I sure hope you breastfeed. After hearing this several times I confessed to her that I just didn't know if I could breastfeed. That I was to grossed out by the thought of it. She continued to educate me about all the advantages of breastfeeding. After listening this for many years I finally said that I would TRY breastfeeding just to get her to stop. She, of course, had the answer to that. She responded by saying if you just try you will fail. You need to more than try you need to just do it. I never forgot those words, but she dropped the discussion at that point. We never got the chance to talk about it again.

A few years later when I found out I was pregnant with my baby I recalled the conversations. I was so excited about having a baby and started to read all about the subject. I even read about breastfeeding. I had told my mother I would try and I was determined to try. When I signed up for the Lamaze class it included a breastfeeding class. I was strongly encouraged to go by my OB/GYN. I took the class and was brainwashed even more about the benefits of breastfeeding. I was still unsure if I would be able to do it. One thing that the instructor said that stuck in my mind was how expensive formula feeding was. She said that if my baby needed specialized formula it could cost upwards of $6000/year to feed the baby. She then said that very rarely are babies unable to take their mother's milk. This convinced me to breastfeed. I wanted to be a stay at home mom and saving every penny was the way to make that happen.

I had my daughter and breastfed her. It wasn't easy at first, but it never even occurred to me to give her formula. It seemed like I was constantly feeding her. I would finish a feeding and just have time to go to the bathroom before she would get hungry again. I was so frustrated with my choice. But it still didn't occur to me to give her formula. When I took my daughter in for her first check-up the doctor was so impressed with her. Not only had she gained back all the weight she lost in the hospital she had gained 6 ounces in just 6 days. He said you are doing everything right. Keep doing what you are doing. That comment made all my frustration go away. And I never looked back. I'm not saying that I still didn't struggle, but I couldn't fail in my mother's eyes. She wanted me to do this so badly. And this was a special way I could honor her memory.

So here I am 18 months later still nursing away. She never had a single drop of formula. We made it through 5 months of my working full time, a couple of very stressful family emergencies, and the normal struggles new moms go through. I don't know if I would be breastfeeding at all if not for my mother's perseverance. She never let the topic drop, and gently let me know it was what she expected of me. And it turned into a wonderful connection I have with her and my daughter, who she never got to meet.

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