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Militant Breastfeeding Cult

Living With Obstacles

by Wifey Seamus

Sammy was my fourth born, and my first son! He came about 4 weeks early, and obviously was my smallest. He was so tiny and innocent, and had a few obstacles to climb. He was born with a cleft palate, and one side of his mouth was paralyzed. He had a few episodes of apnea and spent the first seven days of his life tied to wires and monitors in the NICU.

This was hard for me particularly because I had always kept my babies with me in the hospital room while I recovered from my c-sections. Now, I finally had a son and I couldn't even stay with him. I tried as hard as I could to breast feed him, even though most of the nurses there thwarted my every attempt.

Because he was losing weight, I decided to pump and give him my milk in the special bottle he needed, telling myself that when I got him home I would continue to try nursing him.

I had successfully nursed my daughters; my Nellie didn't even start solids until she was 8 1/2 months old. This bottle feeding routine was a nightmare! All those bottles to wash and prepare, the countless hours of pumping! I never quite got enough milk, either, so I had to substitute with formula. Yuck! Sammy had reflux, too, so the formula was always staining his shirts. And boy, did it smell bad!

The worst part, though, was not being able to hold him close while feeding him because it is very hard to breath and swallow with a cleft palate. He had to eat completely upright. I longed to snuggle him, sleep with him next to me napping and nursing through out the night, and I truly missed the closeness of breast feeding. Nothing can compare to having your baby completely relax in your arms while he drinks the warm milk that flows from your own body.

I gave my sweet Sammy all the love and affection I could, and I love him dearly, but I felt guilty for a long time for not being able to breast feed him.

Sammy has since had his cleft repaired, and is finally gaining weight. He now has a new little brother, Giuseppe, who is three months old and happily nursing! I am thankful to God for giving me another chance to nurse a child, and am enjoying every special moment we have together. When people tell me I need to "get away" from him for awhile, I just have to laugh. I love the fact that I am that important to him, that he depends on me for his very existence! And I gladly take him everywhere I go. Time goes by too quickly- they grow too fast. I'll have plenty of time in a few years to "get away".

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